lamey

i've been contemplating on shutting down this site and just using my other blog. for those of you who i haven't informed yet, i also have a blog on tabulas.com. my other url is http://www.tabulas.com/~bokal. my other site is equipped with links and a taggie. you can tag me just to make your presence felt if you don't feel like making comments.

i'm having a hard time blogging in this site. i couldn't even generate a tagboard or post pictures. tabulas is more user friendly. i can even generate a playlist there so i can listen to my favorite sounds while blogging. and in the future, if i run out of sensible material to post i will most probably close down this site. or maybe i'll just use it occasionally

friday the 13th...

i woke up to a throbbing headache this morning, the main reason why i was late by an hour and a half. it's past 2 pm now and the headache hasn't left me yet. i tried applying some kind of liniment but to no avail. tomorrow's our company outing but i don't feel like going. it's not the usual crowd i go out with, though these are the same guys i was in baguio with two years ago minus tricia who has since left for greener pastures and kyla who has long moved over to the dark side. and since i'm not going, it's gonna be another long weekend for me. i'm going home to marikina tonight. earlier, i was thinking of spending tonight at san juan to have a few beers with sonny. but i decided to go home to marikina tonight because the car won't be available to take me there tomorrow. the weather's still in the mid 30's and this is what probably caused my headache coupled with my exhaustion due to last night. i was so tired last night when i followed kix, anna-mer and sonny to megamall. i wasn't aware that it was gonna take them all night to shop. had i known they would take long, i never would have followed them. i even had to log on upon arriving home last night to upload some pictures of rory on the internet. i need a long rest tonight and tomorrow. i'll probably sleep the whole day tomorrow and sunday. ayy sarrrappp.....

happy mom's day.

happy mother's day to all the moms in the world. yesterday was mother's day and i wasn't even with my own mom. i was with joy and rory in their house in marikina. it's really difficult to divide time between two homes and the workplace. my relationship with my mom hasn't alway been smooth sailing and among her children i feel i am the least favorite. but i don't let it affect me. i'm a realist and i accept the facts the way they are and then i learn how to be practical about them.

to my mom: thanks for bringing me into this world. thanks for all the sacrifices. thanks for the unconditional love, the patience and the understanding. thanks for making me what and who i am today. and thanks for being a friend and a mother to someone like me who isn't always easy to get along with.

to my wife: thanks for being a wife, a lover and a friend all at the same time. thanks for the unconditional love, the patience and the perseverance. thanks for making rory what and who he is today. and thanks for being a wonderful mom to rory, and a wonderful wife to me who most of the time is an absentee father and husband.

to my bestfriend: i know you will always be a good mom to luke. just hang on in there. i will always be here for you, no matter what and inspite of all.

killing time again

it's a quarter to 6:00 and i'll soon be out of the office. if it just wasn't so damn boring in here, i could probably spend all day experimenting with my blogs. and if it wasn't for the air conditioning, i won't even spend a minute in here. it's so hot outside that the atmosphere is like that of a desert. at home the electric fan in my room can be likened to an exhaust pipe spewing hot fumes. and everytime rory comes over to visit, he doesn't even sleep in my room, he sleeps in my eldest sister's room which is air conditioned. (pinagpalit ako sa aircon :-)

i've been in the office since early morning. in fact i spend more time here and on the road than at home during weekdays. the last time i saw my mom was wednesday night pa yata when she woke me up to ask if i was having dinner. she is still sound asleep when i leave the house in the morning and by the time i arrive in the evening she has long since retired to her room, not sleeping though but watching her favorite koreanovelas.

it seems my life and daily routine are so predictable that you could probably predict up to the most minute detail what i would be doing everyday for the next 4 weeks to come. i guess i really need to unwind sometimes, like take the day off and get dead drunk, or go somewhere and pig out, stuff like that, you know, just to get my mind of work matters and the problems of the world. buti na lang hindi ako ang presidente ng pilipinas noh? well, it's already 6:00 p.m. i can't wait to get home as that ice cold bottle of san mig light is already waiting for me. it's not proper to keep it waiting. catch you all on monday...

muchos gracias...

i would like to take this opportunity to thank my friend lou for the wonderful piece of advice that she gave me. i was touched by your gesture. it is very seldom that people will go out of their way to offer a piece of advice about something that doesn't even concern them. not to worry, for your advice was well taken and will be well heeded. pero ano na nga ba yon uli? sabi ko naman kase sayo sa comments mo na i-post eh.=)

special thanks are also in order for yengski, a friend from tabulas.com who helped me out with my taggie at tabulas which by the way is already up and running. my url is http://www.tabulas.com/~bokal/. for those of you who want to view my site, there's not much to see actually but you can now leave your comments at my tagboard. thank you yengski, i'm forever grateful. with friends like these, i simply could not ask for more.

i was working on a post at home last night around 1:00 am. it was kinda long and ready for posting. i was just viewing it when without warning, i got disconnected. the modem daw was busy and the number was not available, basta something like that. this was 1:00 in the morning and i'm pretty sure there are more users during the day, so why was i disconnected? calling tri-isys, please enlighten me as this is not really my area of expertise.

a plea?

it's been pretty boring since the start of the week, at home and in the office. though i've been relatively busy, that doesn't take away the boredom, right? i know i'm in for a long stretch of boring nights to come kase nga sira na naman yung tv ko diba? and i'm sure it'll be quite some time before i could replace it or even have it fixed coz' i'm usually kinda low on funds during this time of the year. (enrollment period) perhaps the only thing of real significance that might have occurred to me during the week was the break-up with my girlfriend. it's funny how i don't miss her and how i don't even think of her. what the f**k's wrong with me??? to think that we also had some real good times together. only last friday, we had dinner together at "the treehouse" in up diliman. we had lots of fun laughing at almost everything, from the place itself to the waiter who served us, to the other customers. it was somewhat ironic how treehouse hired bands to play every tuesday and friday but didn't serve beer, we mused. we didn't have an inkling as to what we were to expect come tuesday afternoon. but maybe it's better this way, maybe we really need some space between us. i don't know what to do or think anymore, i'm so confused. should i ask for a second (third, fourth, i lost count) chance? or should i just let things fall into place? i really don't f****ng know!!! please help me God.

nothing much

i've been suffering from a mild headache since yesterday. must be the heat or something. it's manageable at the moment although there are times when i can feel the spasms or whatever the hell it's called. i didn't have dinner last night as i was so so sleepy when i got home at around 9pm. earlier, my friend jean and i were texting and she was asking me if i was alright, sort of checking up on me. well thanks for the concern really, but i don't know what to feel anymore. its as if there's this void inside of me which makes me incapable of feeling anything at all. my tv's busted again, tangina badtrip talaga. when i turned it on last night, nothing came on but this horizontal line again at the middle of the screen. it's been this way since last year and i couldn't count the times that it has been in and out of the repair shop. i just collapsed on the bed til i drifted off to sleep. woke up to the loud knocking on my bedroom door. my mom was asking if i was still gonna take my dinner. i was too sleepy to reply, i just gave a nod then went back to sleep. woke up at 3am, set the alarm to 3:30 and slept some more. got up at 3:30am, had breakfast, actually a combination of a late dinner and an early breakfast, went back to bed and played with the mockingbird, drifted off to sleep again for a few minutes and finally got up at 4am, grabbed a towel and dashed off to the bath. nothing much in the office so far...

leaving me for real

...and incidentally, my girlfriend for the last 1 year and 7 months finally walked out on me yesterday. i said finally because i already saw this coming a few months back. she probably realized the hopelessness of our situation. i couldn't blame her but she shouldn't blame me either. no one's to blame really or rather, both of us are to blame. funny thing is, i don't feel anything, relief maybe, i don't know. what do i expect to feel anyway? whoever said life was a bed of roses? shit happens but we have to move on...

dekada

we were just a bunch of kids back then, fresh out of college, doing some serious adult work, hanging out together and just having fun. though you couldn't always distinguish the fun from the serious work.

at the end of a hard day's work, we drowned our sorrows in cold beer while entertaining each other with tales of new found lovers and friends, of conquests and of lost loves, the angst eternally written on our faces.

i can still remember the boisterous laughter, the loud music, the overnights, the gigs, the girls, the girlfriends, the endless supply of booze and drugs. the binges that lasted til dawn. (hoy! magpatulog naman kayo! kung ayaw nyo matulog magpatulog kayo!!!). how we thought those nights (and days) would never end.

we thought the gang would always be there, til one by one we graduated into married life and fatherhood. some just faded into oblivion while quite a few literally walked off into the sunset, never to be seen again.

and so it was a decade ago, when the world was young and so were we. when times were easy and beer was a-plenty. when all we ever cared about was getting high.(getting drunk was a given)when we were at the threshold of something great, or so we thought, when the world was at our feet.

recalling those times brings back sweet and painful memories. though we should only look to the past for reference. we should never dwell on the past for if we do, we can never move on. but that is one experience i'd gladly go all over again.

leaving you...

i finally got my copy of session road's cd entitled "suntok sa buwan" and the tracks are just so cool i could listen to them for hours. this group has got real talent. and if they were kinda reclusive in the past, well they've been getting the right amount of exposure on radio and tv lately. at a time when the local music scene really sucks bigtime because of non-artists like piolo pascual, sarah geronimo and sandara park, good lord!!! session road is its redeeming factor along with a handful of other acts. i would like to share with you below the lyrics of "leaving you" purportedly the best cut in the album


leaving you
session road

i'm watching me make a fool of myself
silently speaking my wish to be free
turning my world inside out
spin my emotions building my doubt
i fed on your strangeness plain and true
but there was nothing beneath that i knew
i see myself falling from grace
my life fading without a trace
i'm tired of waiting here for you
can't waste my time i'm leaving you
and now that you've taken the world out of me
i'm left with my body hanging free
as lovers come and comfort me
i'm still left with my misery
i'm leaving you